I wasn't on the board when you first posted about this Dini, so I apologize for a late response.
Everything you're feeling is a natural response I think. I went through some pretty hard abusive exes myself, as well as growing up in an abusive home, and I turned it around by pursuing a career where I could help others in similar situations that I was in and nobody could (or would) do anything about. That being said, I'm still in therapy, and there are many, many days where I have problems processing my trauma. Some days are very dark days where all the hatred, pain, sadness, feelings of hopelessness and that "void" just seem to consume me and I can barely think straight... but most days, I'm simply comforted by the fact that going through those situations (no matter how much they hurt at the time they occurred) made me who I am today and gave me the strength to help other people through my career and help others by being a better friend. I feel like most times, that it betters me as a person. I don't have it nearly as bad as what I could have (given some of the situations), and I try to remind myself and be thankful of that. I have abuse trauma, as well as some trauma I experienced as a police officer, and there's no other advice I've really found as helpful as "take it one day at a time"...
I hold the belief that every single person we encounter... no matter how brief or how big or small of a role they played in our lives (meeting a stranger on the street or being in a serious relationship, etc.)... we encounter these people to learn something, and sometimes, we may not even know what we're supposed to learn until later down the line. Sometimes the lesson can hit you right after whatever you've experienced, and sometimes, it takes YEARS to get through something. I went through a horrible relationship before I met my husband... after 2 years of abuse, taking care of the guys' kids, the whole nine yards (and I was only 19 years old at the time, he was 32, really stupid decision on my part), he calls me one day (while we're still together) and tells me to pack my stuff and hit the road, that he was marrying someone two weeks later... I lived in my car for four months after, showering at friends' and getting meals where I could, and to this day, I still have no idea how in the world he got away with it and is living a happy life right now (he's got a nice home, still married to the woman he left me for, makes more money than I can think of, the works)... I'm living a happy life as well, 1,600 miles away from the jerk... but there are days where I wish karma would bite him in the ass... there are days when I'm glad I'm just done with him and never have to see him again... and there are numerous days (even 6 years after the fact) that I find myself thinking of him and wondering what I was supposed to learn from that lesson. To this day, I still can't figure it out. I learned resiliency, but I always have the feeling there was something more I was supposed to get out of that (other than black eyes and a broken heart) and a bigger lesson I was supposed to learn.
Sorry to thread-jack... I just wanted to let you know (as the others have) that you aren't alone. There are also some very good resources out there for women who have been in abusive relationships... maybe your therapist could recommend one to you?
Also, something that helps me, and this is with anything, not really when I'm just trying to process my trauma... whenever you feel angry or negative, mean, hateful, etc., take a black candle, burn it and visualize/pour all that energy into it... the same goes for all of your positive feelings, except use a white candle... whenever you need a "positive" boost, light that white candle (I've always buried the black ones, or let them burn all the way down)... I didn't think it would help at first, a friend taught it to me a few years ago... but if I play some of my favorite music and burn that white candle, or burn the candle while doing something like journaling, etc., it offers a good mood boost most days.