Ha! I have a keyboard now... if this gets to be too much, just tell me to shut up.
She is worried because a few years ago I was dragged into doing something I shouldn't have done by a manipulative significant other; I can't give details because this person may be stalking me and I don't want him to know it was me.
Just so you know (and this goes for EVERYONE on this Forum) if you feel that you are being harassed or stalked by anyone on the Forum, notify an Admin. Fox, Crystal Dragon, dragonspring, and I are on the Forums almost constantly. Send any (or all) of us a Private Message and we will address the problem. Please don't ever feel like you're "bothering" us or that we "wouldn't care" - our job is to keep this place safe, and we take that responsibility seriously.
I'm not looking for anyone or anything who will try to feed me things I should learn on my own; I'm not looking for anything who will tell me my family isn't important or that my parents don't love me; I'm not looking for anyone who wants to force beliefs on me or brainwash me or anything like that--I've been through that before. I've looked on this forum and from what I've seen I think I can trust you guys to not do any of that.
After some of the newcomers I've run into on this and other forums, you have no idea how refreshing it is to have a straight up "I don't want people to tell me what to believe, I'm looking for guidance so I can learn on my own" post!
Merging two posts here...
This reminds me of a question I've been thinking about for most of my life. I don't really "feel" female like my biological sex all the time. By that, I mean sometimes I enjoy the idea of being female and feminine, but other times, I find the idea horrifying and feel angry whenever someone assumes something about me based on my biological sex. A lot of times, people mistake me for male, and I get happy when they do. Other times, I feel more connected with femininity. I sometimes think that it would be fun to try wearing makeup and dresses and shaving my legs, but I always think that I would want to go back to the way I am now and not be feminine afterwards. I feel deeply offended when someone suggests that I should wear a dress, especially if they think I should because I am "a girl."
What do you think could be going on here?
It could be that you're still rediscovering who YOU are, after having been in an unhealthy relationship. I don't know your details, but I know that a lot of times after coming out of
any relationship, it takes some time to re-discover who you are as an individual instead of as part of a couple. If the relationship was unhealthy or abusive, figuring out "who I am" can be a lot harder, because you're dealing with the ghost echoes of things you may have been told in that relationship.
Even without the relationship influence, I think all of us have times of "wishing they weren't their biological gender". Mine comes about once a month, when I wish I could rip out my plumbing instead of dealing with my period.
As Zlat said, all creatures have both the anima and animus/male and female aspects within them.
I'm also worried that there will be hetero-sexist pagan groups; I'm mostly lesbian, and I wouldn't feel comfortable having a strong separation between male and female as there are in some groups. I understand that gender polarity is good for some people, but it is not for me. Based on this, are there any traditions I should avoid?
At the end of the day, pagans are just people, so you will run into racist pagans, and homophobic pagans, and heterophobic pagans, and pagans who seem to thrive on causing drama and division. People are people, where you go... unfortunately.
My advice on this would be not to "avoid" any traditions at this point. IMHO there is something to be learned even in the traditions or paths that hold no interest for you. (You should see me researching LaVeyan Satanism... not a path I would ever follow, but definitely some thought-provoking ideas and beliefs!)
I've found in my own experience, and from others talking about their experiences, when you find the "right" tradition/path/beliefs/whatever you want to call it, there is a sense of "coming home". But it can take a lot of seeking and searching to find it.