Pagan Journeys > In the Broom Closet

At a loss for words

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My mom has started this new thing the last couple days where she'll get off the phone and after she says, "I love you and miss you", she'll say, "God Bless You"... now to some people that's fairly harmless, and I know she means no ill will, but I know the stand point she's coming from and it's her "way" of bringing up the fact that I'm a pagan and she doesn't agree with it. It makes me highly uncomfortable and I don't know what to say to her because she always has to get the last word in and she says it smack dab at the end of our convos. I also don't know how to tell her that it makes me uncomfortable because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Even my in-laws aren't this pushing and they are VERY strict Christians (my mother is Catholic). Any advice?

I guess I have to ask why it makes you so uncomfortable.  My mom and sister sometimes say things that indicate their disagreement with my path but I just take it as an expression of their caring for me.  Loving someone does not equate to agreeing with them on everything.

I agree with DS. Good luck in whatever you do.

My first gut reaction is "Let her have her passive-aggressive dig and just reply 'Love you too, Mom' and hang up."

If you know that she doesn't mean any ill will and you know that she always has to get the last word in, then it sounds like arguing about it isn't going to help at all. If she really wants to talk to you about it, then it's her responsibility to be able to do so in an adult manner.

My $0.02 is to not let it bother you and let it go - it's her issue to deal with, not yours.

You may want to do some introspection into why it makes you uncomfortable. Do you feel you need her approval to follow your path? Do you feel like you've let her down or are a disappointment to her? Why does her saying that really bother you? Those are questions that only you can answer, and if you try to be honest about why her saying that makes you uncomfortable, you may find some insight into how to address it.

I honestly don't know why it makes me so uncomfortable, other than I've shied away from that path and went my own way, but there are times when I still struggle with letting go of old beliefs (which I've posted about before), and I think it's just makes me feel... weird... I guess... when she says it.

There is a very strong abuse history between my mother and I, and we haven't had much of a great relationship until the last few years when I finally moved away from my home town... growing up though, I was never good enough, never did this or that, wasn't "girly" enough, I was always compared to my little sister, among other things and we've worked to rebuild our relationship, which we are still in the process of doing. I'm in therapy for what I went through as a kid, so I don't know if it's really an approval thing or not, but I do know I've felt like a disappointment my entire life. My mother flipped back and forth between telling me how proud she was of me for my accomplishments and telling me I was the worst daughter ever, and looking back on it, I really think it depended on her stress level and her sobriety when it came to how she felt about me on any given day. She wasn't really this way with my brothers or sister, possibly because they weren't blood related and I was her only biological daughter (that's how I've always felt anyways)... an example would be when I became a cop... on a good day, she was so proud of me for being a police officer and helping people, on a bad day, I was a coward who hid behind my badge and just did it because I was bullied in high school... things like that are how back and forth she is.

When she first asked me about being pagan, I was open with her and she said she wouldn't judge me and would love me all the same, but every time I spoke to her after that, it was, "You need to put down the tarot cards and pick up a bible" or something similar... then she stopped for a while and she started up with this a few days ago. So it's new territory and I'm not really sure how to handle it, it just makes me feel uncomfortable and I really don't want to hurt her feelings by saying something to her about it.


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