Pagan Journeys > In the Broom Closet

At a loss for words

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rainshadow:

--- Quote from: Nicodemus on August 05, 2012, 03:36:24 PM ---Hi Jenxd
Could you say "God bless in return"? A bit like when we say "happy birthday" although it isn't our birthday it is just a way to wish them well.

--- End quote ---

Hi Nico, and if I did that, she would tell me I would be doing it wrong. The only reason I say that is because there was a time where she was going through bankruptcy and foreclosure on their home that they built when I was a kid... she was super stressed, cried every time we were on the phone together, and she goes, "Please pray for me" (which the word "pray" in itself is many things to different people, I planned on lighting a candle on my altar for her and sending good energies)... When I said, "I will" (didn't tell her how I was going to do it, I just told her I would), she goes, "I didn't mean pray to your crazy Wiccan gods, pray to the good, loving god you are supposed to, stop doing the devil's work" When she said that, I was taken aback and pretty speechless. I mean, telling me to put down the tarot cards and picking up a bible is one thing, but she just totally bashed my belief system with misconceptions. So I wouldn't feel right saying it back, and I also would believe knowing how my mother is, if I were to say it back, I would get some sort of response from her laced in her not being able to believe that I actually mean "God Bless You" because I don't practice her faith... know what I mean?

rainshadow:

--- Quote from: Crystal Dragon on August 05, 2012, 04:27:40 PM ---I agree with Bron and Tir ... if it doesn't bother you when others say "God bless you" then it's an issue with your mother only.  Remember, we all interpret things said to us based on our experiences, and it sounds like your experiences with your mother have taught you to question her motives (and rightly so from what you've posted).

If you can change your view of your mother to one of feeling compassionate toward her because of her issues, it would go a long way toward being able to ignore the motive behind her statements or actions.  :squeezes:

--- End quote ---

I am trying to feel compassionate, but that being said, it's hard to feel compassion towards someone who abused you for so long. I'm trying because I know a lot of her issues (she's also got some mental health issues, whether or not that was caused by the drugs or alcohol, I don't know) and she still admits to some of her addictions (pills mostly), but she was a mess when I was a kid... given all of that though, it doesn't excuse what she did to us, and it's very hard to look at it compassionately. I love her to death, I really do, we've had some great times together, but most of my memories of her aren't really good ones. Ya know?

rainshadow:
I also wanted to add... when someone says, "God Bless You", I think of it as them sending me a positive blessing/positive energy (just in their own way)... they don't know that I practice a different faith (well, most don't know), but if that's how they spread good energy, then kudos to 'em. I think it's kind of like saying "God Damn It"... I had a friend once who said no matter your faith system, you are asking the deity to damn something, or otherwise sending out negative energy... so I try to keep that in mind when I speak (not wanting to send out negative energy). I mean, I know it would offend some of my family and friends if I went, "Oh hey, Goddess Bless!" Ya know? But since I believe in a God and a Goddess, someone saying "God Bless You" doesn't really bother me (again, except for my mother) because that's there way of sending me a blessing.

Crystal Dragon:

--- Quote from: jenxd09 on August 05, 2012, 07:10:50 PM ---I am trying to feel compassionate, but that being said, it's hard to feel compassion towards someone who abused you for so long. I'm trying because I know a lot of her issues (she's also got some mental health issues, whether or not that was caused by the drugs or alcohol, I don't know) and she still admits to some of her addictions (pills mostly), but she was a mess when I was a kid... given all of that though, it doesn't excuse what she did to us, and it's very hard to look at it compassionately. I love her to death, I really do, we've had some great times together, but most of my memories of her aren't really good ones. Ya know?

--- End quote ---

I do know ... probably better than most.  My mother hasn't spoken to me in over 10 years because I explained to her (calmly, and without drama) that I no longer wanted to play the games she plays.  It took a long time to get over the hurt and anger of a parent basically disowning me for speaking the truth calmly.

I sense a lot of anger and betrayal in your posts about your mother.  I'm sure she's picking up on that in an energetic sense and is either responding to it, or "feeding" off it.  I know it's really tough to step back and deal with a parent just as a messed up adult, but if you can, your behavior and reactions may cause some change in her.  Just food for thought.  :squeezes:

dragonspring:
I also am seeing quite a bit of repressed anger here too and I don't think it is being helped at all by the need not to hurt your mother's feelings.  It might be good to recognize that you have a right to that anger if your mother was abusive and to either express it constructively or let it go.  ""Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Siddhartha Buddha

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