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Author Topic: Problems with visualization... Need Help!  (Read 1465 times)

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Athena

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Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« on: October 06, 2015, 10:37:52 PM »

I committed myself to an year and a day of studying just a few months ago. My practice so far has been pretty much limited to affirmations, visualizations, energy transfer and recently light meditation.

About a month ago, I saw an ambulance passing by one early morning when I was on my way to cafeteria just outside my office. I had an overwhelming sense to heal and protect the life in there. Somehow, the intent was so strong that I could not control anything else. In a couple of minutes, I could feel all my 'physical' energy getting drained, flowing in the direction of the ambulance from my palms. There were flashes of white light. And it happened in the middle of the driveway, out in the open. Right after the incident, I felt like I would collapse. The full moon was just two days later and I kind of drew energy from the nature to keep going. However, I fell terribly ill right after the full moon impact was over. And for a month I felt terrible headaches, a sense of depression growing on my nerves, numbness and actual physical pain. I had nightmares and I cried, with or without reason. I could not sleep well and while I have never been afraid of dark, I could not sleep with lights out. It was an awful time.

The only prominent session I remember after the incident is the one where I visualized a huge ancient tree with red and green colored leaves and hanging roots made up of bright white lights. When I tried t hug the tree, I found out that there were roots growing down from my feet and my arms crossed into themselves, like the branches of the tree. I was, indeed the tree I envisioned. And I did not intend to see the tree, it came on its own. Does this have a significance?

In the second session, I sent out an intention of wiping my slate clean to wash away all the pain, depression and suicidal thoughts and to start over. My slate was wiped clean. And ever since, the problem with my visualization began.

It took me long meditative sessions to get back to normal. However, I still feel a bit lost. My visualization was very strong earlier. But now, I can hardly visualize anything. I have to actively guide myself to 'see' things I want to see. While feeling and listening are still okay, the visions are still a point of concern for me. There are many everyday life issues that need my attention and time, but this has got me worrying for real. How do I heal myself completely? How do I strengthen my visualization?

I learnt about shielding after the entire incident. But I could not work on it for a long time. Something or the other kept me tied up and I just could not do it. I am working on it now.

I know it was really really stupid of me to heal somebody when I did not even know how to protect myself, but I don't want to hinder my learning process. I am committed towards being a responsible witch and while material physical concerns bother me like every other human being, my aim for wicca is mostly about healing. Can somebody explain whatever happened and what precautions I should take if I have to heal somebody now before I complete my lessons?

Thanks in advance!
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Tinevisce

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2015, 10:53:43 PM »

Just wanted to pop in here to say that I'm sure the Elders here will have lots of great advice to offer you on this- I've turned to them a lot of times during similar situations, and they've always helped me a great deal.

I don't have enough experience with these things myself to offer you anything more than you probably already know yourself (indiscriminately transferring personal energy to someone else will drain you badly), so I won't bore you with them.

If you're starting to work on shielding, do be careful to not construct the shield using your personal energy- use the energy of the Earth instead. :)

Also, when I went through something similar (i.e. something unpleasant that I could not consciously control or explain, but was affecting me very strongly nonetheless), I found it helped to look within for the answers. To that end, the Tarot helped me tremendously; but that's just the divination method I'm most used to. I'd suggest using something similar, or asking a friend who can.

Also, sometimes, it could just mean that you need to take things slow :) Immerse yourself in the so-called "mundane" life for a bit.


Hope this helps you a tiny bit!
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Athena

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #2 on: October 07, 2015, 01:07:41 AM »

Thanks Tinevisce. I agree with whatever you said. And it helps to know that I am not the only one, not the only beginner. I accept that we have to take things slow and enjoy the mundane things.

Thankfully I learnt my lesson about not using my personal energy for healing or shielding. But I need to move past it and go ahead. And I am seeking for answers from those who know already. I know that there won't be specific or singular answers but any indication should help.
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dragonspring

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #3 on: October 07, 2015, 10:39:35 AM »

I do not wish to alarm you unnecessarily, but my first impression of what you described is that you experienced a psychic attack while sending out your personal energy without shielding.  Our instinct is for self preservation and once bitten, we tend to avoid what bit us moving forward.  I would suggest that you continue to practice shielding and drawing universal energy (using the tree visualization you described is my go-to method for doing this) and over time your confidence will be such that the visualization returns. 
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Athena

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #4 on: October 07, 2015, 01:05:49 PM »

Thanks Dragonspring. I understood it later in my theoretical reading sessions that it was a psychic attack. Is it true that I cannot get back what I gave away that day or what I lost afterwards? Because even though I am strengthening my shield, a part of my which was prominent earlier seems lost still.

The emotional damage was much worse than the physical one and it kind of hampered my personal relationships too badly. My family and the guy I am in love with know a bit about my practice. Thankfully they have been incredibly supportive but they don't understand the intricacies and how deeply it affects all aspects of life. And post the attack, which had me down under for almost a month, a huge rift has been created between us. I am moving miles away from my family. While the initial plan was to move them along with me, it has been stalled now. And the guy I love is tying the knot in December. And it just hurts to lose all of my favorite people, all at once, when my only intent was to give somebody some extra time with their loved ones.

I guess there is no definite question or a definite answer here. But I felt like sharing because finally this is a community where I can expect people to completely understand and accept without judgments. A huge sense of relief washed over me when I joined PJ. Thank you all, and thank you admins!  :grouphug:
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Tinevisce

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2015, 02:08:07 AM »

Quote
Thanks Dragonspring. I understood it later in my theoretical reading sessions that it was a psychic attack. Is it true that I cannot get back what I gave away that day or what I lost afterwards? Because even though I am strengthening my shield, a part of my which was prominent earlier seems lost still.

I don't want to second-guess any of the experienced folks, so standard disclaimer, if anything I say contradicts anything one of the elders say; go with the Elders! :)

With that out of the way, I'd be inclined to think that it just wouldn't be possible for any of your natural gifts to be taken away like that- because they aren't gifts so much as affinities, and they're an organic part of you. Unpleasant experiences or psychic attacks or malevolent workings might make it harder for you to access those skills (but, really, subconscious fears caused because of an unpleasant experience are much more common) but they'll still be there once you've worked your way through the block.

It's terrifying on a very existential level when one of these experiences happen because we're usually not taught the ins and outs of the "mystical" from childhood, and real life magick doesn't come with helpful visual cues like on TV (sadly), so a large part of the fear comes from our inability to explain what's happening.

Luckily, though, as witches/pagans/shamans/however it is you wish to label yourself, we do have tools for demystifying these things. I really, really think it might help to consult divination methods once you feel ready to probe exactly what this episode was all about.
If it turns out that this was just your subconscious trying to protect you in a rather dysfunctional way (it tends to do that to all of us newbies), you can work on exactly which skills your subconscious wanted you to learn. If it turns out that it came from something external (i.e psychic attack), there are ways to protect yourself from that too.

I could merely be projecting my own experiences onto you, but I'm more inclined to go with the first possibility.

Welcome to PJ- hope you love it here!
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dragonspring

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2015, 03:41:25 PM »

Thanks Dragonspring. I understood it later in my theoretical reading sessions that it was a psychic attack. Is it true that I cannot get back what I gave away that day or what I lost afterwards?
I think you absolutely can rebuild you reserves of energy through meditation, exercise, etc.  The best way for me to recharge is to spend some time in nature but everyone is different.

I don't know exactly what residual effects you are seeing from this experience but I have found that mostly people tend to create their own personal hell through fear and lack of confidence.  Being an effective witch has a lot to do with the belief in our ability to control our own state of mind and how we react to challenges.  If you have psychological trauma from the event, you should perhaps look into mundane methods of dealing with it.  Maybe some work with overcoming negative thought patterns or stress management would be a good start. 

If you feel that something is still actively draining your energy, it might be good to seek help from someone with experience working with energy such as an experienced witch, shaman, or Reiki master. 

Ther
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DragonsFriend

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #7 on: October 08, 2015, 06:41:45 PM »

Athena,
I don't know what training you have had or what level of confidence you have in your potential but I can tell you without a doubt that you have lost nothing in this experience. I believe that fear and a lack of confidence is your only injury. So I guess my feelings coincide with Dragonspring on this matter. If you can't find anyone nearby after trying Witchvox and any local pagan shops please feel free to contact me. I am a Reiki master and I am trained in distance healing of all kinds. I may also consider some exercises that you are able to use at your level of expertise to rebuild your confidence and rid yourself of fear. Personal affirmation is always one alternative. If you can center and ground and then pull energy from the Earth and once that is comfortable open your crown chakra and use the infusion of Universal energy to build your confidence. You can decide if that is more advanced than you are and use that to decide whether to do it or not.
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Athena

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #8 on: October 11, 2015, 02:30:13 AM »

If you can't find anyone nearby after trying Witchvox and any local pagan shops please feel free to contact me. I am a Reiki master and I am trained in distance healing of all kinds. I may also consider some exercises that you are able to use at your level of expertise to rebuild your confidence and rid yourself of fear. Personal affirmation is always one alternative.

Personal affirmation was probably the only thing that helped me keep going, day after day, when I could not even meditate. I was so grateful to know a quick and easy way out of trouble at that time.

I feel much better now, but thank you so much for offering a helping hand in my healing. I believe the system reset is something that I need to do on my own. It may lead to trial and error, but I guess that's how we learn. I would definitely love to know more about the exercises you want me to practice. Can you tell me about them?
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Athena

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #9 on: October 11, 2015, 02:36:55 AM »

I don't want to second-guess any of the experienced folks, so standard disclaimer, if anything I say contradicts anything one of the elders say; go with the Elders! :)

Luckily, though, as witches/pagans/shamans/however it is you wish to label yourself, we do have tools for demystifying these things. I really, really think it might help to consult divination methods once you feel ready to probe exactly what this episode was all about.


I would very much like to call myself a witch but I think it's a bit too early to take on such a big responsibility. The only divination method I am good at is Tarot reading. However, my cards are lately largely influenced by my mood. So, I think I would have to consult another reader to get an insight. And most definitely, I am loving it here. It's really hard to find anyone in my locality who is tolerant about occult. 
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Athena

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #10 on: October 11, 2015, 02:48:41 AM »

I think you absolutely can rebuild you reserves of energy through meditation, exercise, etc.  The best way for me to recharge is to spend some time in nature but everyone is different.

Now that the constant nudging has stopped and I feel myself standing on a neutral ground, I am starting to experiment with something new. Keep me in your prayers though. The community support I have found here has helped me build up my confidence again.  :groovin:

A lot is changing in my life right now, on all levels. And after a long time, I am not afraid of it.
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DragonsFriend

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #11 on: October 11, 2015, 11:15:15 AM »

One of the best parts of initiating into a tradition is that you don't need trial and error methods. The groups are a net that teaches you, step by step, what and how to do what you need most. There is a trust that exists and love that permeates your life. The members of the group often know the individuals better than the individual knows themselves. Be sure to master the basics first. There is time enough for growth if your foundation is strong.
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Athena

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #12 on: October 12, 2015, 07:56:18 AM »

One of the best parts of initiating into a tradition is that you don't need trial and error methods. The groups are a net that teaches you, step by step, what and how to do what you need most. There is a trust that exists and love that permeates your life. The members of the group often know the individuals better than the individual knows themselves. Be sure to master the basics first. There is time enough for growth if your foundation is strong.

The only community I have found so far is here at PJ and I am grateful for it.

And I concur you in saying that there is enough time for growth if the foundation is strong.
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DragonsFriend

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #13 on: October 12, 2015, 04:02:51 PM »

Do some educating in these topics (and in the order listed:
1. Ethics and etiquette.
2. Theory of magik (or magic if you prefer)
3. Breathing, centering and grounding (practice this until it becomes second nature to you)
4. Meditation and visualization.

These are the basics. They are common to nearly all magikal practices.
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Athena

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Re: Problems with visualization... Need Help!
« Reply #14 on: October 14, 2015, 02:59:02 AM »

Do some educating in these topics (and in the order listed:
1. Ethics and etiquette.
2. Theory of magik (or magic if you prefer)
3. Breathing, centering and grounding (practice this until it becomes second nature to you)
4. Meditation and visualization.

These are the basics. They are common to nearly all magikal practices.

Thank you DragonsFriend. I am trying to prefect the third point here. Let's see how much time it takes now.
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