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Author Topic: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?  (Read 2786 times)

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diniesaur

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Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« on: October 30, 2011, 10:24:41 AM »

I'm out to my parents, and they're understanding. I'm also out to my mom's parents, but I'm not out to my dad's parents. My dad's parents are devout Southern Baptists who are against homosexuality and paganism ("devil worship!!" :omg: ). They even give their daughter a hard time about being married to an African American person.

This is a problem because I have a special relationship with my grandmother, and I don't want to lose it. So far, I've been pretending to be a straight Christian, but it gives me anguish to think that I'm decieving them. I really want to tell them, but I don't want them to disown me or not love me. Should I tell them? When, and How?
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BronwynWolf

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2011, 11:24:36 AM »

If they don't ask, there is no reason to go into it. My parents have basically always known. The rest of the family... it just isn't discussed. Some know, some don't. My very Christian aunt found out after about 14 years...When I got married, I had her in my car for the first time ever, and had a few Pagan-themed badges pinned to the dash. She didn't say a word to me about it; she asked my mother.

Spirituality is personal and between  you and your gods. We don't preach or convert, so there really isn't any sense in upsetting your grandmother with something she probably would not or could not understand or accept.
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dragonspring

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2011, 11:29:26 AM »

I agree totally.  Not sure how you are pretending to be Christian, but I have found that people around here tend to assume that one is unless informed otherwise.  We don't necessarily have to correct that assumption.
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earthmuffin

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2011, 01:02:34 PM »

I agree. Is it really anyone else's business what your beliefs are? It would be nice for everyone to accept everyone else unconditionally but in reality, that doesn't happen all that often, I'm afraid.

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diniesaur

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2011, 09:04:12 PM »

Thanks. I can see your points. It just hurts to participate in prayers to their god and go to their churches where I know I'm not wanted. I read the Bible and pretend to believe it; I ask my grandmother questions like "How do I know if God is telling me something?" This is how I pretend to be Christian. I feel guilty. I'm trying to save my relationship with my grandparents, but I feel like I may be going too far.
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earthmuffin

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2011, 10:17:38 PM »

I'm of the belief that every religion has some wisdom to offer; that they all seek to answer the same questions and each just has its own spin on the universal truths. Maybe if you look at Christianity in more of that vein, it would help when you are with your grandmother. I'd be really interested in her answer to the question you asked. It might still inform you, even though your interest lies with paganism. If you ask questions out of a genuine wish to know, then I see nothing wrong, but if your intent is to deceive her, you would serve yourself better to keep silent.
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vordan

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #6 on: October 30, 2011, 11:13:18 PM »

Christianity has some very good things, concentrate on that when talking to them if religion comes up. I think your strategy of turning the conversation to theological questions is brilliant. I would not bring up the subject with them, but turn the conversation around if it comes up, ask who wrote Ecclesiatics since it is different in tone, or what they think of Psalm 104 verse 15 and why Jesus drank and Hitler didn't, why Luke 4:1 and Matthew 4:1 are so alike, does The Song of Solomon condone interracial relationships, which is correct was man created after the animals as in Genesis 1 or before the animals as in Genesis 2, I am not telling you to argue with them just ask them a theological question to keep them busy and take attention away from yourself. Ask them what their favorite translation of the Bible is or favorite part. In the end the answer as to why you go to church with them is because you love them.
« Last Edit: October 31, 2011, 08:21:22 AM by vordan »
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diniesaur

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #7 on: October 31, 2011, 10:09:09 AM »

I like that, vordan, but to be honest, I know very little about Christianity. I have tons of Bibles at home, but they're just not very interesting, and I have so much other stuff to do. I also agree with you, earthmuffin, because I believe that each religion has truth in it. It's just the idea that I'm decieving them that bothers me the most, but I don't want them to disown me. I ask the questions partly because I'm interested in her beliefs, and partly because I want her to think I share them. She said that to know if her god is telling me, I should pray and I should look for parts of the Bible that speak to me.

I feel like I'm betraying my grandparents, my religion, and myself when I decieve them, but I love them, and I want them to love me. I've heard that if they really love me they'll accept me no matter what, but I'm not so sure about that, and even if it's true, I don't want to know if they don't.

Other than that, I would like to just keep my beliefs to myself. It's just hard because my grandmother finds a way to mention her god in almost every conversation. Sometimes, she mentions him in a good way, like saying he loves everyone and doesn't want me to die, but other times she says things like he doesn't like the "homosexual lifestyle" and things like that. When she mentions him in a good way, I see the wisdom of Christianity, but when she mentions him in a bad way, I see the hatred it exudes.
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Crystal Dragon

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #8 on: October 31, 2011, 11:14:07 AM »

It is unfair to characterize Christianity based on your grandmother's comments.  I know a number of devout Christians (my father included) who have no problem with GLBT lifestyles or paganism.  You need to understand that these are the beliefs espoused by the church your grandmother attends, not Christianity in general.
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diniesaur

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #9 on: October 31, 2011, 01:46:02 PM »

Oh, I'm sorry! I wasn't trying to characterize all of Christianity. I know a lot of really nice Christians too who know I'm gay and pagan. I'm sorry if I was offensive.
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AmberRaven

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #10 on: October 31, 2011, 04:18:13 PM »

If they don't ask, there is no reason to go into it. My parents have basically always known. The rest of the family... it just isn't discussed. Some know, some don't. My very Christian aunt found out after about 14 years...When I got married, I had her in my car for the first time ever, and had a few Pagan-themed badges pinned to the dash. She didn't say a word to me about it; she asked my mother.

Spirituality is personal and between  you and your gods. We don't preach or convert, so there really isn't any sense in upsetting your grandmother with something she probably would not or could not understand or accept.


This! 100%
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Crystal Dragon

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Re: Should I come out to my grandparents? If so, How?
« Reply #11 on: October 31, 2011, 10:17:13 PM »

I wasn't offended but your last sentence, especially the part in bold:

When she mentions him in a good way, I see the wisdom of Christianity, but when she mentions him in a bad way, I see the hatred it exudes.

led me to think you were thinking there was something "bad" in Christianity.  There isn't ... it's just that some people twist Jesus' teachings to justify their own behavior or attitudes and it's important that we all understand that this is a mistake made by humans, not something inherent in a specific religion. ;)
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