I committed myself to an year and a day of studying just a few months ago. My practice so far has been pretty much limited to affirmations, visualizations, energy transfer and recently light meditation.
About a month ago, I saw an ambulance passing by one early morning when I was on my way to cafeteria just outside my office. I had an overwhelming sense to heal and protect the life in there. Somehow, the intent was so strong that I could not control anything else. In a couple of minutes, I could feel all my 'physical' energy getting drained, flowing in the direction of the ambulance from my palms. There were flashes of white light. And it happened in the middle of the driveway, out in the open. Right after the incident, I felt like I would collapse. The full moon was just two days later and I kind of drew energy from the nature to keep going. However, I fell terribly ill right after the full moon impact was over. And for a month I felt terrible headaches, a sense of depression growing on my nerves, numbness and actual physical pain. I had nightmares and I cried, with or without reason. I could not sleep well and while I have never been afraid of dark, I could not sleep with lights out. It was an awful time.
The only prominent session I remember after the incident is the one where I visualized a huge ancient tree with red and green colored leaves and hanging roots made up of bright white lights. When I tried t hug the tree, I found out that there were roots growing down from my feet and my arms crossed into themselves, like the branches of the tree. I was, indeed the tree I envisioned. And I did not intend to see the tree, it came on its own. Does this have a significance?
In the second session, I sent out an intention of wiping my slate clean to wash away all the pain, depression and suicidal thoughts and to start over. My slate was wiped clean. And ever since, the problem with my visualization began.
It took me long meditative sessions to get back to normal. However, I still feel a bit lost. My visualization was very strong earlier. But now, I can hardly visualize anything. I have to actively guide myself to 'see' things I want to see. While feeling and listening are still okay, the visions are still a point of concern for me. There are many everyday life issues that need my attention and time, but this has got me worrying for real. How do I heal myself completely? How do I strengthen my visualization?
I learnt about shielding after the entire incident. But I could not work on it for a long time. Something or the other kept me tied up and I just could not do it. I am working on it now.
I know it was really really stupid of me to heal somebody when I did not even know how to protect myself, but I don't want to hinder my learning process. I am committed towards being a responsible witch and while material physical concerns bother me like every other human being, my aim for wicca is mostly about healing. Can somebody explain whatever happened and what precautions I should take if I have to heal somebody now before I complete my lessons?
Thanks in advance!