I read a blog post from someone describing a dream they'd had and how it impacted their life. I won't go into specifics, but the writer was at the time of the dream a Pagan. The gist of the dream was about being followed by Satan and ending up being protected by a group of Christians and feeling as though the only place to be safe was with them. The writer then went on to say that they felt that this had been a message from God.
My first reaction to reading that was "Wow! You weren't a very good Pagan if you felt that way about Satan and God!" That was immediately followed by feeling as though I sounded very much like some of the people I dislike the most. Who I am to judge who is a "good Pagan" and who is not? It isn't my job or my place.
The more I thought about it, I realized that the writer wasn't so much a "bad Pagan" as they were someone who still carried the guilt and fears that tend to go hand in hand with Christianity (tend to, not always) and had more than likely not ever really been able to let go of the faith they were raised in. I could see that it was likely that they either hadn't followed the Pagan path for very long or hadn't done much in the way of research. It didn't make me feel any better about how quickly I went to the "bad Pagan", knee jerk reaction.
This has all gotten me thinking about how judgmental people can be and that it is just that, a knee jerk reaction that often comes when we don't have time to think or don't stop to think. There are also a lot of times that it really comes from ignorance or a sense of self importance and needing to feel better than the next guy.
I think that is probably one of the reasons why I don't tend to make a lot of efforts to find any local Pagan groups. Other than the fact that I really don't work well with others and really enjoy being solitary outside of my online Circle, I have a fear that I will be judged and found lacking. Even worse is the fear that they will feel that I'm not Pagan enough for them. I know it is something of a silly fear, but I think it would be crushing to hear something like that in regards to something that is so important to me. It is for all of these very same reasons why I do try to stop myself before jumping on the judgmental bus. Apparently, I still have a lot to learn.