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Author Topic: My first wedding as a Minister  (Read 1460 times)

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shadowewolf

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My first wedding as a Minister
« on: March 20, 2013, 06:46:33 PM »

Out here we have a marvelous organization called LEWA(Light Energy Workers Association). through LEWA members of the pagan community can become ordained. As a solitary I decided to take this step for myself. Honestly never thought much more would come of it beyond swearing to Bridgit that I would be Her priestess..... fast forward two years later and a very close friend asked me if I would officiate at her wedding. I was very honored and said yes.

Put months of work into studying different ceremonys and put together one that passed not only the bride and grooms approval (both of whom are pagan) but also the approval of my folks out west who both have experience in officiating at weddings.

I dont know who was more nervous me or the groom lol. The bride picked out my 'vestments' and I helped her pick out her dress.
the grooms dad fixed a MARVELOUS meal for the reception...
the mother of the bride? showed her behind.
the minute she got to the venue (made everyone late for the rehersal) she started finding things wrong. the bride had no business wearing white b/c she wasnt a virgin, I shouldnt have been wearing black. She got mouthy with me during the rehersal and I didnt back down. the service was tacky and not legal, the food was bad, the cake was ugly....  :brickwall: y'all get the idea she topped off the afternoon with blessing out the poor father of the groom, informing the groom that I was no longer welcome at the bride and grooms house :wtf: and making the bride cry.


so anybody out there have simular experiences and any advice on how to deal with a momzilla next time? because in spite of the Mom-in-dirty-plaid... I actually surprised myself and enjoyed doing the wedding.


*whew* Ive cooled down a bit but the bride didnt deserve all that
« Last Edit: March 20, 2013, 09:43:46 PM by shadowewolf »
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earthmuffin

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Re: My first wedding as a Minister
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2013, 08:40:58 PM »

How awful for that poor bride! Wow. Did you have any warning at all that the mom was going to be such a pain in the donkey? It sounds like maybe she knew nothing of her daughter's plans. Perhaps a lot could have been averted if she had been clued into the choices prior to the wedding... but that really seems up to the bride and groom to decide. Of course, you could always gently suggest that next time should you suspect a similar situation might arise.
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"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." The Dalai Lama

shadowewolf

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Re: My first wedding as a Minister
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2013, 09:30:04 PM »

ohhh this is par for the course for momydearest. the bride quite deliberatley kept mom out of the loop. The ....for lack of a better title 'Mother'  didnt have children to have children. she had children to have bargaining chips. and when that backfired it was the childs fault. "mom" approved of the Brides ex-husband who abused her and wants nothing to do with current hubby who treats bride like a Goddess and wouldnt hurt a fly. this was her way of making the wedding about her and how much she dissaproved of the groom.
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dragonspring

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Re: My first wedding as a Minister
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2013, 10:23:18 PM »

Sounds like an interesting day.  I would have probably sent mommy dearest on her way with a swift kick in the backside...
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shadowewolf

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Re: My first wedding as a Minister
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2013, 11:00:41 PM »

 :yeahthat: ohhh I wanted to, didnt feel it was my place though. She bolted as soon as she made the bride cry...the grooms family consists of half the fire department/police force for our county. and they were ALL there. and they all made sure that the bride knew she had a whole new family and no longer needs mommydearest. :yeah:
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vordan

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Re: My first wedding as a Minister
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2013, 08:51:11 AM »

My one and only wedding I did as High Priest went really well and as smooth as silk, so from wedding experience I have nothing to add. From my 34 years in sales to support myself I do have something to add. A very effective technique with people who are difficult is to repeat back to them what they have said, so they can hear how unreasonable it sounds. This technique also serves to give it right back so they realise that they are not going to get away with being an ass. You must also give them an out a way of saving face. Sun Tzu always said give an enemy an out don't make them get their back up. If you remember the movie, Roadhouse, the advice was be firm but polite. You will notice that each statement is politely slapped down, calmness and a smile is needed to make this work. Ask the mother things like,

"So, you feel that you should of been able to chose the color of the wedding dress?"
Do you not feel that this is her day? I know as a parent it is sometimes difficult to trust in your child's decisions but she is grown. Ahhh letting go must be so hard."  Big smile and look of sympathy.

"Black is a traditional color for clergy perhaps you should form your own religion if you want it differently.ha ha, Yes that would be very cool lets work on that." Smile and laugh a little., "You see we needed you when we were planning all this, you have such insights. I can tell that you must of wanted to be more involved in planning all this but all you can do now is try and make this the happiest brightest day for her. Be strong for her"

 "I didn't realise that you payed for the food, I am so sorry did they get something wrong? Maybe the instructions were not clear. Oh you did not provide the cake? Maybe you should of if it was important to you."

 "Do you feel this is the right time to express your opinions about people? Maybe after the ceremony might be better. What do you think? Is it your intention to ruin your daughters day? I know you are a great mom and don't want to do that."
« Last Edit: March 22, 2013, 09:24:06 AM by vordan »
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shadowewolf

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Re: My first wedding as a Minister
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2013, 09:34:03 PM »

methinks I need some more practice on that vordan. I tried it some during the rehearsal when she kept giving me grief over placement. "where would you like to come in?" she continued to give me grief...finally thinking she might be uncomftorable because she was SOOO underdressed compared to everyone else I quite honestly asked her "Are  you just uncomftorable with processing? if so we can make sure you're comftorably seated before the ceremony." she shut up after that
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