Pagan Journeys
Pagan Journeys => Pagan Chat => Topic started by: dragonspring on April 11, 2011, 07:47:41 PM
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I have recently been venturing out into the local Pagan community after 3 or 4 years of keeping pretty much to myself. I have noticed that there are an awful lot of whining Pagans out there. More than I would have expected or remember from before. I guess I could be perceiving that people are being negative because I am extraordinarily happy lately whereas before I was a bit depressed myself.
I am wondering if this is an unusual experience or if it is common in the community. If it is common, I wonder why. What do you think?
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What do you mean by "whining"? About their personal lives (job, family, health), perceived persecution ("it's because I'm Pagan", "Those Christians are so oppressive"), cattiness ("That other coven sucks because they don't do it like we do it")?
I think that regardless of the reason for the group, like attracts like. People who are looking for a place to hold a b*tchfest and complain about the world in general and how much it sucks and how much they're put upon will end up hanging out with people who will not only let them, but will agree with them and validate their feelings. It feeds on itself.
If a bitcher ends up in a group that doesn't put up with it, they will usually not last too long, because the rest of the group just doesn't want to deal with the drama llama, and they will eventually move on to find a group who will let them witch and moan and validate them.
If you aren't finding what you need in a given group, move on - you don't need to be sucked down by the well of negativity if it's not where you belong and not the energy that you mesh with. Just my $0.02.
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I honestly can't say anything about IRL Pagan Communities because I'm too much of a hermit and just haven't met any IRL. I do agree with Tir, though. I don't think we have the corner on the market on people that like to whine about their lives.
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I agree with what Tir has said. But I think there is another facet in there as well. I've noticed a lot of people (mostly younger ... under 35 or so) tend to whine and complain about not getting what they want (some acting as bad as a spoiled child) regardless of the setting. Too many of them want to play victim (partly because they've been taught that) instead of taking responsibility for their own happiness or actions. It seems to be a generational thing in general, though I do occasionally see those that are a bit older behaving the same way.
I'm not in any sort of group myself, but I do occasionally hear stories of the drama that goes on with some groups near us.
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Too many of them want to play victim (partly because they've been taught that) instead of taking responsibility for their own happiness or actions.
I think this is what is really bothering me about the whining. I don't have a problem with friends venting about their problems to other friends. I have been cornered twice in as many meetups by complete strangers wanting to go on and on about their personal problems and how "unfair" their lives are. I believe in personal responsibility and thought that most other Pagans had similar beliefs. Eventually, I will probably look one of these folks in the eye and say "Stop whining and freaking do something about it. THAT is what REAL witches do."
I should have mentioned that I have met some really nice and positive folks too. But for some reason, the whiners seem to think I care. Maybe I should have been a therapist. :rolleye: Or maybe these folks just have to vomit emotionally on the newbies - like marking their territory or something.
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Guess I'll have to go with you and glower threateningly at them. And make sure my Thor's Hammer is visible. :D
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:rotflmao: @ GW
... But for some reason, the whiners seem to think I care. Maybe I should have been a therapist. :rolleye: Or maybe these folks just have to vomit emotionally on the newbies - like marking their territory or something.
I think it's more that your energy (whether they realize it or not) is by nature caring and nurturing and they are mistaking it for someone who can replace "mom" but are too unaware to realize that one can be caring without putting up with whiney twits. ;)
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I agree that part of it is likely the energy you have. Part of it may be "someone who hasn't heard me whine about this for the past three months, and I've already bitched about this to everyone else here. Maybe she'll validate my feelings, too, and reinforce them"...
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I haven't socialized much IRL with pagans but the few that I do know and the one function I have been to were all really positive.
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:rotflmao: @ GW
:yeahthat:
I'd have to agree on the energy thing, DS. It seems that the more nurturing types of people do tend to draw more of the needy personalities, so that may be part of what you are getting.
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I guess it may be an energy thing. Come to think of it, I have had strangers unload their problems on me in other situations. Once I had a guy tell me all about some very personal issues he was having on an airplane.
@GW :D
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DS = Great Universal Mommy :whistle:
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DS = Great Universal Mommy :whistle:
Does that make her GUMmy?
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:laughfit:
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:rotflmao:
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Envisioning gummy goddesses.... pagan-themed movie theatre treats. :tongueroll:
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:rotflmao:
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Too many of them want to play victim (partly because they've been taught that) instead of taking responsibility for their own happiness or actions.
I think this is what is really bothering me about the whining. I don't have a problem with friends venting about their problems to other friends. I have been cornered twice in as many meetups by complete strangers wanting to go on and on about their personal problems and how "unfair" their lives are. I believe in personal responsibility and thought that most other Pagans had similar beliefs. Eventually, I will probably look one of these folks in the eye and say "Stop whining and freaking do something about it. THAT is what REAL witches do."
I should have mentioned that I have met some really nice and positive folks too. But for some reason, the whiners seem to think I care. Maybe I should have been a therapist. :rolleye: Or maybe these folks just
have to vomit emotionally on the newbies - like marking their territory or something.
Happens to me all the time. It's part of why I chose the mental health field - figured, it's gonna happen anyways, may as well get paid for it! :-P
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:rotflmao:
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Eventually, I will probably look one of these folks in the eye and say "Stop whining and freaking do something about it. THAT is what REAL witches do."
I've actually said that, or something close to it.
Pagan groups I have met with have been disappointing to me for that reason. And I do understand that it is my issue with expectations. Life happens and it doesn't stop because of someone's spiritual path. But I have never found a group (other than my family) that walks the talk. I've been at celebrations where folks will whine and complain up to the moment the circle is drawn. And then start right back up again during the feast. That's a missed opportunity, at best.
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:rotflmao: @ GW
:yeahthat:
I'd have to agree on the energy thing, DS. It seems that the more nurturing types of people do tend to draw more of the needy personalities, so that may be part of what you are getting.
Just for some perspective, it could be a lot worse. Imagine having that energy AND being trapped in a high school. Trust me. It sucks.
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Just make them fudge. They'll either shut right up because their mouths are so full of yum or they'll be floating on fudge-filled happiness and won't have anything to witch about anymore. :drool2:
So have I told you how unfair my.... :whistle:
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Just make them fudge. They'll either shut right up because their mouths are so full of yum or they'll be floating on fudge-filled happiness and won't have anything to witch about anymore. :drool2:
So have I told you how unfair my.... :whistle:
Point taken. :D Both points. Especially the fudge... mmm, fudge...
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Maybe they should read more old poetry.
Solitude a poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Laugh and the world laughs with you:
Weep and you weep alone.
For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,
But has troubles enough of it's own.
Sing and the hills will answer
Sigh it is lost on the air.
The echos bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.
Rejoice and men will seek you,
Grieve and they turn and go,
They want full measure of your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all.
There are none to decline your nectered wine,
But alone you must drink life's gall.
Feast and your halls are crowded;
Fast and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.
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I guess I need to make some fudge soon to send to Wolfie! :D
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I guess I need to make some fudge soon to send to Wolfie! :D
:crazylaugh:
Vordan, love the poem.