Pagan Journeys > In the Broom Closet

Had to get this out...advice?

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Okay, so a little back story. I have gone to a Catholic School my entire life and I have always felt different about religion, I met my now husband there and his parents are strict Catholics, which has raised some issues, but I have never hid how I felt about religion, my beliefs or their beliefs. I was actually put with the same religion teacher almost every year because he loved the discussions I would bring up and said it helped him prove his faith to himself. I still keep in touch with him.
 My husband and I got married this past June, it was suppose to be July of 2011, but deployments (my husband was in the Marines) and other issues had us pushing it back. One of the issues was about the venue of the wedding. My husband is very accepting of my beliefs he doesn't judge me and likes to learn and have discussions with me. He is a very scientific thinker. He also feels like he has to make up to his mother for his choice to join the military. His mother stopped talking to him for two weeks when he signed up. Anyway, We wanted to get married outside at a plantation a couple of hours away from our home town. We loved they idea of being outside, they had "hugging oaks" in which the branches from two trees had  gotten intertwined and formed a lovely space for the ceremony. We had talked to both sets of parents about it, and they were both very excited, we toured the area and started making plans.

When he found out he was getting deployed we pushed it back to Oct of 2011, the venue was fine with it as we had not filled out any contracts as it was still early this was around Oct 2010. I was very excited that it would be in October, I love fall and the month in particular. His mother called me while he was deployed and told me she wanted to talk to me. I went to their house, expecting it to be the normal, I miss him lets cry meeting. She sat me down and told me that she had decided that she could not let her son go to hell for me. That she would not allow her son to get married outside of the church. That her son was a "good boy" and that his love for me was clouding what was right. She went as far as to say she would tell family members not to go to the wedding if it wasn't in the church. I was completely shocked and stunned by the entire conversation. I was also very angry that she decided to tell me this when I had no way of just calling my husband, and she knew that I wouldn't bring it up on one of the very short phone calls I got, as I didn't want to upset him. When he came home he let me read a letter she had written to him about what she referred to as the "wedding issue" and she didn't understand why I couldn't stop being ridiculous about the whole thing and just get married in the church. Long story short, we did get married in a church, however, it was not a mass and it was done by a Decon, who also happens to be a friend of my family. (i'll save the long drawn out fighting part of the story)

No that we are married the issue of children is being raised, because my husbands brother recently had a child. They had originally not wanted to have a baptism because they are not longer practicing and felt it was wrong. However, after he pestering they finally gave in. After the whole wedding issue, which still gets under my skin, I do not want to compromise again. I still feel a little upset about the way the wedding went, but to even bring up this issue right now, when we haven't even decided if we want children yet is annoying... Any advice on what I can say to atleast hold of the argument until its a little more relevant?

Not really sure who you are arguing with on this issue.  You and your husband are married and need to decide for yourselves how you want to handle the issue of children.  I would say that dealing with it among yourselves and having a unified position would be advisable - the sooner the better.  The mother-in-law needs to butt out of your marriage and if your husband does not agree, I would suggest some serious discussion on the matter.  I certainly wouldn't argue with her about it.

My husband and I have both spoken to her about it. We have told her it is our decision on how we raise our children and what we do together. She is bringing up not wanting to see our child, and not inviting us to other family gatherings. Which I know takes a lot on my husband because he is very family orientate, i'm not close to anyone in my family and havent been. Its just annoying

First off,  :grouphug: because it sounds like really crummy situation to be in with the MIL, especially for your husband. The reality is that you all will never feel good about the relationship with his mother if you feel coerced into doing things and making major life decisions because of her wants and threats. I would probably tell her this at some point, but with both of you together united as couple. It's adamant that you and your husband are on the same page on how to deal with this. If she doesn't want to see her grandkids because of your choices, that's very sad, but something you all may have to deal with. I guess if it were me, I wouldn't cave on doing things my and my husband's own way, but I would always keep extending her the opportunity to be involved in our and our children's lives because it wouldn't be us wanting the cutoff and perhaps she would eventually come around. Sounds like she needs to discuss her feelings with her priest and see what he thinks about cutting off her kids and grandchildren. ;)

Thanks :D. We've both told her that when the situation gets closer we'll be happy to discuss it with her. She just keeps pushing and my hubby is getting annoyed. The whole thing just gets under my skin, because I feel like she things that if she nags enough she'll get her way. They stopped by for lunch today, that's what spawned the post, but we'll see them later tonight. I'll try and suggest that she think on the issue before she discusses it with us again.

thanks everyone  ()


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