Pagan Journeys > In the Broom Closet

Had to get this out...advice?

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Mongo:
She "won" on her emotional blackmail once and that's your hardest obstacle. She won once and she thinks that if she badgers enough...she'll win again and will likely keep badgering you and your husband.

DO NOT GIVE IN.

If you do one this...forget it. You'll likely forever be under her thumb and she'll know it. So do not give in. Stand united on this and tell her as a partnered, married couple that things are going to be done your way and not hers. Be polite, be civil but be firm. This is a line drawn in the sand. She needs to butt the hell out.

Now. If she does make good her threat to not want to see her grandchildren...be evil. Be very evil. Keep sending pictures of the children to her. Keep showing her what she's missing out on. She'll either relent and give in (in which then you have won...just don't gloat...publicly) or she'll show her true colors and stick to her guns and be all butt hurt that she can't control every minute of your lives.

Something that this woman doesn't seem to understand is that children are to be raised to leave the nest. That all we teach them is designed to allow them to be able to have families of their own and start their own lives. This woman does not seem to understand that fact and seems hell bent for leather to keep her darlin' boy...well as her "darlin' boy" and not let him go.

It's not going to be easy but there it is. Stand united, stand strong and stay civil. You don't want to damage the possibility of reconciliation in the future if she relents.

BronwynWolf:
You've got a rough road ahead. By letting her win on the wedding, she will expect to keep winning. And if you and your husband to not put an end to it NOW, then the problem will fester and grow, possibly to the point she destroys your marriage. It isn't about religion, although that is the excuse she is giving. It is about CONTROL.

You and hubs need to decide together how to cut that line, then face her together and CUT IT. She raised a thinking human being, so the fact he can now make his own choices shouldn't shock her...but I am betting she still sees him as a child. She needs to see both of you as adults, no longer extensions of herself.

dragonspring:
I have been thinking about this problem and was wondering how the rest of hubby's family feels.  Do they enjoy having her control their lives or do they hold some resentment?  Just thinking that you might have some allies against her manipulative nature.  I mean, you could have family events at your house and let her sit at home alone if she sticks to her threats.

moonlily:
Thanks for the advice!  I knew the wedding thing would only make things worst, but at the time it seems like it was a good compromise. We sat down with her at dinner the other night and the subject did come up, and we both stated that we would do what we thought was right for our child when the time was right... basically she went into this big I turned her baby boy against her with my "ways" (not sure what that was directed at). He looked at her and basically explained that the only one causing problems was her and her constantly trying to undermine my and his choices. That he had read the letters that she had wrote to me. He told her that we were going to make our own decisions and that she could either understand that or learn to live with it. I also told her that I in no way have ever tried to steal him from her and that on many occasions like the wedding, I gave up things I wanted because he wanted to make her happy. She was not happy at all that we decided to "attack her", but understood, how as newly weds we needed to venture out and make mistakes, but she would always be there to helps us when we needed it...


to be it was small victory because he actually said something, besides just agreeing with me..


I have talked to him about if she does decide to make good on her threats and he said we would still send out individual invites to anything we planned and they could make their own decisions on if they want to listen to his mother


Thanks everyone  ()

Tirya:
That's great that you presented her with a united front and that he did a lot of the talking so she couldn't claim you were "not letting him talk". Good for both of you for working together on this!

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