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[dragonspring]

I would have to agree as well.  I am not sure what you expect as far as growth, but it is a slow process.  In my experience there are dry spells where you don't feel like you are getting anywhere and then there is a sudden spurt of progress.  What is important is to keep learning. 

[earthmuffin]

I would have to agree as well.  I am not sure what you expect as far as growth, but it is a slow process.  In my experience there are dry spells where you don't feel like you are getting anywhere and then there is a sudden spurt of progress.  What is important is to keep learning.

[Belmont2500]

I thought you had a dream about your spirit animal or am I thinking of someone else?

At the time it seemed that way, I have a habit of being quite the skeptic and am under the impression that said dream wasn't the case.

I don't know about using pots and pans, I prefer to keep things quiet. But I don't have anything against giving it a shot.

Still, I have my doubts.

[dragonspring]

Doubts about what?  I would say that most people have doubts.  In fact, there is nothing wrong with a little healthy skepticism on this path.

[Belmont2500]

I'm not sure how to answer that, but about the doubts, I can't really explain them. They're just feelings I have from time to time when doing anything concerning my path.

As for my personal guide, well by now it has become laughably obvious that its a fox, I just want to confirm it so that instead of thinking "My personal guide might be *insert animal name here*". I will think "My personal guide is *insert animal name here*".

Other then that I'm not sure what more I can say for now.

[vordan]

Even with doubts you have to ask yourself, do you want to lead a life filled with poetry, mystery and metaphor where all things are possible? That is not just the pagan path but the path of all spirituality. A universe where all things are explained away and where everything fits in a box that is the rationalists path. Are you a straight road person or a rejoicer in the crooked, twisty and uncertain. If the spiral path is for you then in the end the doubts do not matter. That is just my own take on doubts for I get plenty of them despite all that I have seen and experienced.

[Belmont2500]

I think the answer to that is quite clear: The former.

What would life be without any mystery, uncertainty or poetic majesty. If everything was explained already, things would become very bland, very fast. I've no intention of being a rationalist by any means, I'm just a bit of a skeptic is all.

[earthmuffin]

As for my personal guide, well by now it has become laughably obvious that its a fox, I just want to confirm it so that instead of thinking "My personal guide might be *insert animal name here*". I will think "My personal guide is *insert animal name here*".

If you just accept Fox as your guide and honor him (or her), he'll be more likely to present himself to give you that confirmation. On the other hand, you can ask Fox for confirmation but that also requires a little leap of faith.

[Belmont2500]

True words of wisdom, m'lady.

[Belmont2500]

While my first idea was finding a fox conservation group and donating to them, are their other methods of honoring spirit guides such as Fox? I know of a few ways but can't seem to recall most of them.


For that I feel like a fool 

[earthmuffin]

Sure. Write a poem or carve or find an image or something that represents Fox to you and carry it with you. But the best way is to meditate and ask Fox how he wishes to be honored. I have found most of my guides wish only to be thought of and consulted often.

[Belmont2500]

I try meditation a lot, but the catch is I never know if I got answers or if I do know, I feel as if I forced said answers or the answers are quite cryptic, while I usually don't prefer a linear answer, a cryptic one can seem overkill at times.

Also, I will admit I'm a poet, I attempted a poem last night and I couldn't get anywhere near finishing it.

[earthmuffin]

I have spent a lot of time fighting the same sorts of thoughts re. answers/signs during meditative states. I find if I just let go of all that over-thinking, it works best. Now if I ask a question, I will make a mental note of the sensations, thoughts, feelings and impulses that come to mind but I don't let my brain take it any further than that. I write down all the info. gathered that way and then sit back and interpret it with an open mind. If I let my mind run with the info. and color the interpretation when I first get it, not only can I botch the interpretation totally but I can easily convince myself that I made it all up. I think the more experiences you have with the receipt of info. that can't be easily explained away as coincidence and the more times you have follow up confirmation from your guides or higher self, the less you will feel you may have forced the answers. There will probably still be cryptic answers or signs. But sometimes those unravel later down the road. Keeping a journal on the results of your meditation will allow you to understand that when it happens.

As an example of what I am talking about, when I first started doing shamanic journeys I doubted the images that appeared to me A LOT. I had several sessions where a bison would come come to dance (at the time I only had a rattle to work with) and it seemed significant like it wanted me to know something and I asked what I could do to honor him without getting a clear answer.  At the same time I was skeptical that it wasn't mind just making up this bison and it was really frustrating not knowing why the bison was there. I was writing everything down in my journal though. Time went on and the bison showed less and less and finally was no longer coming. Life got busy as it does, and I rather forgot that the bison had even danced with me. But then it came time to get a hand drum a year or so later, and after much searching online for the right drum, I settled on buying a kit to string my own. The kits were really reasonably priced and bison was one of the choices for the hide. Most places only had deer or elk skin as choices. I ordered the bison on impulse and it wasn't until later on that I read back in my journal and remembered my dances with bison and struggle to understand what he wanted me to know. I believe he was telling me that I would honor him by getting a bison hide drum.

I never thought of myself as being so left-brained but I do find I really have to let it go and just be open to the experience and keep exercising that right-brain muscle by doing stuff, like singing, dancing, writing poetry, talking to the plants, and all those things that normally make me a feel a bit uncomfortable and a little crazy. You just have to let your hair down.

[Belmont2500]

Its been awhile since I've posted. After spending much of my time on my Year and a day study, meditations and such. The results and Karma remain unchanged, I don't feel I've gained any wisdom or that any of my questions were answered. I'm the impression that both the divine and spirits don't look at me kindly. I certainly cannot blame them as I've always been one who deserved to be loathed.

 

[Crystal Dragon]

.... I certainly cannot blame them as I've always been one who deserved to be loathed.

This is more likely the issue.  Until you can learn to love yourself you will continue to run into dead ends.  We each make our own future and by constantly being "down" on yourself, you are manifesting a lack of answers because you feel you don't deserve them.

It seems to me that you first need to explore the root of your feelings (by whatever means) and look more kindly on yourself and your life.  Then you can begin to explore what answers may await you.

[dragonspring]

.... I certainly cannot blame them as I've always been one who deserved to be loathed.

This is more likely the issue.  Until you can learn to love yourself you will continue to run into dead ends.  We each make our own future and by constantly being "down" on yourself, you are manifesting a lack of answers because you feel you don't deserve them.

It seems to me that you first need to explore the root of your feelings (by whatever means) and look more kindly on yourself and your life.  Then you can begin to explore what answers may await you.

[Belmont2500]

Believe me, I've tried. But I tend to cause more harm than good without realizing it.  But its not like I plan to stop trying, its just that sometimes my attempts seem to be in vain. It isn't like I expect it to be easy, because I don't. I apologize for my rambling.

[earthmuffin]

I agree with CD. I think working on improving your self-esteem would be beneficial. I also wonder what your expectations are for the answers you are seeking? Are you just not feeling sure of the answers you get or feel like you aren't getting any answer to your questions? How do you know your karma remains unchanged?

[Belmont2500]

I agree with CD. I think working on improving your self-esteem would be beneficial. I also wonder what your expectations are for the answers you are seeking? Are you just not feeling sure of the answers you get or feel like you aren't getting any answer to your questions? How do you know your karma remains unchanged?

I haven't any expectations. Also, I have been working on improving my self-esteem since that post.

[earthmuffin]

That's great you are working on it already.   I only asked about your expectations because I wish to try to help if I could and have difficulty understanding exactly what you see the problem as. But it sounds like you are doing fine.

[Belmont2500]

I guess you could say that. My totem still hasn't appeared yet, I admit I was expecting him to hint at his presence when I was working on my self-esteem but as usual, I still have more to learn and its not like I'm gonna put that off.

I also am beginning to suspect that the Black Widow Spider totem that showed up in a dream months earlier was only a temporary guide. After all I was cutting school alot at that point and she just came to tell me that should get up and go on my feet instead of my knees(when I came to school the following day, guess what(or who) I drew in art class) . Today I am still grateful for that and that one clue by four Fox gave me in another dream two days later.

 I guess one could say its a kind of magick.

[earthmuffin]

I practice core shamanism and in that practice, insects and arachnids are never guardian spirits but are, as you say, only temporary guides or helpers.

And yes, I find that magic is often subtle and easily overlooked when the mind is preoccupied or judgmental. Sounds like you are on the right track.

[Belmont2500]

True, I know that my guardian spirit is most likely Fox(as I mentioned before) but I haven't met him yet and I rarely sense his presence(which could be because I like in an area where no foxes roam, speaking of which, I'm leaving for a trip to Denver, Colorado next week which will is fox country, so I'll have to try and pay attention to everything).

[earthmuffin]

Have a good trip!

[Belmont2500]

Thanks. I will try to document it in my blog(Also, if you use Skype and have a bit of free time, that could work too. Of course I could always record a few audio journals). I recently recieved Catriona Macgregor's book Partnering With Nature earlier and it mentioned many ways of connecting with trees which I found interesting.